How long distance relationship changed me

How many of you out there is willing to give yourself a chance to try long distance relationship? How many of you have seen lots of articles on the internet sharing about the goods, the bad and the challengers of LDR? I’m one of the people that is currently in a long distance relationship right now. From the testimonials that I’ve received, ours seems to be the toughest one. But hey, we made it through for 2 years now. That’s like 5 years in short distance relationship, at least from my perspective though.

I’m currently living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and now he’s living in North America at the moment. We have 14 hours of time difference. Once I reached home from work, he’s getting ready for work and vice versa. We both are working in oil & gas industry that demand us to give our commitment to our jobs in meeting the dateline or simply satisfying the big player requests such as Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil etc. His job required him to be in the field for several days, came back and went to the field again. The cycle has been repeated throughout our 2 years relationship. Meanwhile for me, I’ll be away for weeks or months as I’m attached to projects offshore. I think that is enough introduction of what I have involved myself into.

People kept asking me how did I make it work? What if I’m being loyal to him while he’s playing dirty tricks behind my back and vice versa. When you have doubts in your mind right even before you start a long distance relationship, it means that you’re not ready for LDR just yet. How did we make it work? We called each other at least once a day. Usually it’s 1-2 times per day, we text constantly and we didn’t simply saying hi, how’s your day, or even what are you doing. We rained each other with messages that filled with appreciation, compliments, and telling each other how one’s affect the other’s life in a big and amazing way. From that, LDR has taught me how to appreciate people more and not taking people for granted. Because you were given chance to feel the feeling of loss and emptiness while they’re away and that emptiness can be filled back the next time you see them. Which it has changed me to appreciate my parents more than ever.

We barely video chat. Because of our jobs, we only managed to have video chat once a month, probably around 2-3 hours max and we only meet each other in person once a year as our entire annual leaves will be used for that single entire trip. So we don’t really have the typical weekly date like other people have. We didn’t get the chance to celebrate our birthdays together yet since we started the relationship 2 years ago as both of us were born in late December and mostly both of us will be with the family for the holidays. The experience is bitter-sweet as we would want to have each other by our side but at the same time, LDR has given me lots of opportunities to explore things.

I can do whatever I feel like I want to do. I can go travel with friends, play video games from early morning today till early morning the next day, exploring new recipes in cooking & baking, sleeping for the entire day during the weekend. For this year solely, I have brought myself to Krabi, Phi Phi Island, Bali, Arizona, Wisconsin, Miami, Atlanta, Chicago, Singapore and I already have 4 trips in planning for 2015! When you’re in relationship, your focus will be channelled to your other half as you’re enjoying his company. Well at least that’s what I faced from my previous relationship as every week was our date day and it’s hard to find any space for myself. But right now, I felt like I have so many things that I haven’t done yet and self-discovery is fun! Who knows that I actually enjoy baking?

Since we’re so far away from each other, the LDR experience taught us not to be so much into hanky panky things that aren’t important. Because fighting and arguing on who’s right for something very silly such as what movie are we going to watch today, which restaurant are we going to have dinner etc is time-wasting and won’t lead to anywhere. You might win the argument but it sure will make the other side unhappy. You might think the reasons for arguments are ridiculous but trust me when I said I was involved in a terrible fight from my previous relationship just because we disagreed with which restaurant to eat and both of us was eager not to give up our choice. Yeah, I was young, silly and unwise back then. Hahaha!

It’s true when people said that the relationship that make you wiser and better in person, is the relationship that you should hold on to it. It did for me. It taught me to appreciate people more, explore myself to bunch of new things all the time, allow me to enjoy things that I like to do, and it taught me to become a better daughter, friend and person. Since you have to wait for both to be available, my LDR has taught me to become more understanding and patience rather than being all grumpy and emotional about it. What’s the point of being emotional and impatient if those can’t change the fact that one of you is still being away for job commitment? It’s pointless right?

Only God knows how much I wish for him to be here all the time, and so does he. But fate intervene our way at this current stage and both of us have to accept the fact at the moment. We both don’t want to affect our job in a bad way because we know very well of our responsibilities in life right now.

If I can give you one advice on starting or even maintaining your LDR is be careful with your trust, doubts and commitments. I’ll touch of that in the next episode. Until then..later!


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