As promised earlier, from my previous post How long distance relationship changed me, I’ve mentioned about you need to be careful with your trust, doubts and commitments. These triple threats will easily shake your LDR that it will crumble anytime soon if you’re not strong enough. Before you’re committing yourself to a LDR, ask yourself these questions..
“Am I okay for not seeing my other half in person for quite a while? Let’s say once in 3 months?”
“Am I okay with the possibilities of missing lots of important dates (birthdays, anniversaries, etc) to be celebrated with my other half?”
“Am I okay with the inconsistent communication due to job commitment and time difference?”
“Are I willing to settle my fight/conflict/arguments while we both are distant from each other?”
And, “Am I willing to put my trust, time, effort in making this relationship work?”
If most of your answers are ‘No’, then LDR might not fit for you as it will torture you internally if you proceed. If most of your answers are ‘Yes’, you’re not safe yet as there is a whole other challenges that you will need to face. That’s where doubts come into your mind and you can’t really get away from it. Doubts are part of human nature. Same goes fears and trust. When you’re willing to gamble and put your trust, time and effort into the relationship, the doubts will come such as “Is this worth it? What if it’s not? I’m not getting younger to gamble on this.” Am I’m not going to start with the doubts of infidelity, if you’re not that important to him because these will be among of the doubts.
When you have doubts, you can’t really trust your other half. There will be always negative imaginations that will lead to inappropriate jealousy. Human can’t really escape from jealousy. Either jealousy in other people’s success & achievements, other people’s beauty, people’s ability to own something valuable or even having the dream jobs/boyfriend/girlfriend material.
And I’m not excluded as well. I have mine but I’m trying to control it so it won’t be inappropriate. Nobody likes to be doubted, especially guys and especially when he actually does nothing wrong. Only negative imaginations are playing its role that time. If this continues, your other half will be unhappy with the relationship and LDR will be the easiest relationship to walk away as the distance will avoid the emotional confrontations.
What about commitments? Not restricted only to job commitments, but life, friends can affect your LDR. When you’re being away a lot from each other, you will turn to your family, friends, activities to keep yourself busy. And sometimes that commitments can make you feel that it won’t bother you at all even if your LDR doesn’t work as physically, you’re living the lifestyles of single people. This feelings can lead you not to put a 100% effort in making your relationship last.
You won’t feel the importance of having the relationship at all. Everybody seeks something in relationship. Love, comfort, fun and laughs while spending with someone that you could connect, if you don’t feel the importance of that because you can get that from your friends and the temporarily single lifestyles, you would feel there’s nothing that LDR can offer your anymore.
Yes, LDR is harder than short distance relationship, to some people at least. It’s hard for me as well but I know can feel how LDR changed me compared to the previous one that I had. The last one was short distance and I’m glad it’s over. I finally can have space to myself, allow me to do something that I don’t have the chance to do it before this.
And trust me, when the time comes, the moment when you see that someone waiting for you at the airport, greeting you with his smiles that you haven’t see that for months, there is no English words could perfectly describe that moment. And that smiles will sweep away all the difficulties that you faced earlier during the separation phase.
LDR might be difficult, but it’s powerful when two people unite again.